I was talking a lot. It's been a hard, long week. So I was talking about that, I was talking about what was on tv, I just needed to talk. My depression meds haven't been working as well. He said abruptly, "I have a headache. I need some Tylenol." I sit in silence so often with and without him, I just needed to talk tonight. When he said that it felt like a punch in the gut. I shut up instantly. It was the way he said it and how he got up. Like I was a bother and the cause. I still feel like my words are poison as we sit here in silence. Is this what he wants? A quiet girl who listens to him talk, makes sure the bills get paid on time, and lets him choke her during sex. All he ever wants to do is grab my neck or hair or stick his finger in my mouth and pull down. I started to think about sex with my ex today. I guess that's how my mind ended up here.
I ended up snapping about a tv show. Really, I'm upset that I can't talk to him. I'm upset that when my mental health took a drastically sharp decline, and I needed my friends he said that we couldn't move. So he has become the only person I can talk to. The only person I have. So why can't I talk freely and openly?
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