Who Is 1 Stranger You Still Remember?

I will never forget this human being.

I was standing at the bus stop; it was cold outside, and the bus was running late. I was in early sobriety, and I really didn't want to be late to my AA meeting. Everyone always notices when you are late. I did not want to be noticed. I just needed to get there and slip in so that I wouldn't have to talk unless I wanted to. I was in a shitty mood. It was a bad day. Instead of seeing this as an opportunity to grow I decided to act just like the selfish, asshole, alcoholic that I am. So when a man I assumed survived in the streets started walking towards me I thought: "Oh here we fucking go. They are going to want money. They are going to want a cigarette. I'm not in the mood. I don't fucking want someone talking to me." He walked right on by me. The bus was still not fucking coming. I was pissed. A few minutes had passed and I saw that same guy walking back towards me. I figured there was no fucking way he was going to not ask for something this time. He pulled out a box of Reese's Pieces from his pocket and said, "Here. I love you, okay." I was confused for one second and then full of shame the next. He could tell I was having a bad day. He saw me as a human being and I saw him as a hassle. When I didn't take it right away because of the shame spiral I was tumbling down, he said, "Don't worry. I got some for me too." He opened his jacket and showed me his own candy choices. He went on to tell me that his mom didn't want him to go far but she would sometimes let him go grab treats from the gas station. He had different needs and a childlike innocence; she was an older woman doing what she still could to care for him. From what I gathered, she was all he had. He had picked out the Reese's Pieces for me. I love those things. He couldn't have known. I think I only spoke a handful of words during our interaction. Then he said he had to hurry before she got worried and he skipped along his way. He was very excited to get back home to eat his candy with his mom.

The bus drove right by me; I deserved it. That 15-minute, chilly walk was spent thinking about who I had become. I got to my meeting right-after-they-had-started. When they called on me to talk, I told everyone about him. I admitted to being the very version of myself that I blamed alcohol for. I was cruel, without the alcohol. I was scared that I had become my father. I was scared that it wasn't the alcohol, that it was me. Well, honey bunches, I've got some news for you: It was me. Alcohol may have made everything exaggerated and over the top but I actually was angry. I was so fucking angry that it was pouring out of me like lava in the form of hate and resentment.

That was the day that really cemented in the fact that the only thing that could help me do this, was love.

Inspired by Thoraya Maronesy via YouTube.