WAP

The bar is already pretty low for men. 

I decided to dig a 50-foot hole and throw my bar right on down there. This is much more than just my last relationship. This goes to my first long term relationship, the one that followed that, the next one, and then so forth and so on. This includes many of the dudes in between those dudes. There will be no slut-shaming here. You're in the wrong place. Stay focused on the matter at hand: shitty men.

Today I was picked up to go see a movie at the drive-in, so it was already off to a great start just on that note. I fucking love drive-ins. The fact that I was picked up in a vehicle went a long way as well. The knock at the door although startling, was also refreshing. It didn't include a text of "here" or a honk of the horn. He even showed up with a plant. I squealed on the inside.

Once we arrived, he backed his truck in and set it up with pillows and blankets. My guard was up, not because he had ever done anything to make me think he was up to no good. No, no, no, my guard was up because of 99.9999% of the men I have previously dated (seriously or not). I was worried my boobs were going to be groped. I was worried he'd try to finger me. I was worried he'd pull his dick out and try to force my head towards the depths of hell. None of that happened. I must reiterate that he had given me no reason to think he would do any of these things. It was a very lovely night.

I have a lot of work to do, and a lot of trauma to dig out. I can't believe I am about to fucking write this out where I can be quoted, but maybe just maybe some men aren't fucking trolls. I don't know. It's something I'm going to think about. It's something that will be discussed in my future therapy sessions. I've been so focused on my most recent horrible experience that I haven't taken time to think about everything that led me to him. How he could slip right in and hold 3 years of my life captive. Granted, a small amount of that time felt like a romance novel, if you enjoy violence and drugs. Mostly though, I realize how fucking stupid I was.

I want to leave this vital sentence right here for anyone happening upon my word vomit:

If he wanted to, he would.

I remember putting that into my old phone many, many moons ago. It was supposed to be a reminder after I got out of Couple's Therapy (a complete waste of my money). Ladies, I have yet to listen to my own wisdom. If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. If someone wants to treat you well, they will treat you well. If someone cares about your happiness it will show through their actions. I refuse to accept a low bar anymore. In fact, I'm throwing that fucking bar away. This isn't fucking limbo. Men; cis-gender, heterosexual men: get your fucking shit together, and please help your friend Bradley/Andrew/Alex/Jake/Zach because he's really gonna need some guidance. Women are not here to teach you anymore.

It's time to start saying: No thank you, next.