I finished watching Love Is Blind Season 2, on Netflix. It's essentially an experiment on human connection. People sign up to discover if love is possible without knowing what another person looks like. They meet through a wall and start talking. Over time people are drawn more to some than others. The conversations become longer and deeper. Then they decide if they want to meet the person and go on to get married. It escalates quickly, and yes, I shit talk the fuck out of these people. As if I have any room to stand or talk.
My upbringing didn't allow for much wiggle room on intimacy and love. There were expectations placed upon me and the surrounding women I grew to know and admire. I thought intimacy and sex were one-in-the-same. If a man is pleased, then wallah! That's great news.
After leaving Zackary, I've learned such a huge lesson in such a small amount of time. Maybe that makes the three years feel like less of a loss. That is still to be determined. However, today I know more about myself than I did a month and a half ago. Intimacy and sex are not one-in-the-same. Intimacy is important amongst family, friends, and romantic partners. Communication and honesty bring you the warmest and safest feeling. It isn't always about the big, fun moments. Life isn't magical, it is just life. Who can be there in the not-fun moments? Who can experience both the ups and the downs in a healthy manner? Who makes you want to be a better person?
Every day comes to an end. There are so many ways to see the sunset. Are you looking? Who are you looking with? Maybe no one. That's okay; that's beautiful too. Just look up. Breathe in. Breathe out. You are here. You are safe.
I am grateful for every sunset.
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