HE loved hurting animals. I didn't know this until meeting his family and hearing them talk about it while laughing. I'm shaking my head even now. While I was saving rolly polly bugs and worms he was putting duck-tape around his dog's mouth and possibly killing wildlife. I try to believe that didn't happen. I never asked if he'd killed an animal because I really didn't want to know if he would lie about that. I just repeatedly heard "he liked hurting animals". Ironically, he is a vegetarian.
He also loved to flick open his pocketknives and stare at me. Sometimes he'd even come towards me. After hearing about the animals this no longer was just alarming, it caused fear. I was scared of my boyfriend. Once I felt that fear it began to transfer over to our sex life, or lack thereof after a point.
One night in particular I had reached my limit. He flicked his knife open as we sat on his sister's couch, and he closed the space between us. I got mad. I raised my voice and I bopped him in his upper chest. He actually got upset with me. He said, "Owwww, why?!" also in a raised voice. He couldn't believe I had hit him. This is when I asked, "What if you killed me?" He laughed. What he said after left me with an uneasy feeling. He said he would just tell people I went crazy after he made fun of my music. He would tell them it was self-defense. He said people would believe him.
As far as I was concerned, I never wanted him to touch me again. A familiar feeling had swept back in; I didn't like him.
A day earlier we had talked in our therapy session about how important music was to me. How I really wished he would stop making fun of me for what I listened to and chose to sing. I mentioned how when we first "fell in love" that he would sing karaoke songs with me and listen to music. I truly believed it was something we had connected over. Then it stopped and it was no longer something we enjoyed together. I asked that he please stop mocking me and my love of music.
He had used our therapy session against me, he had weaponized it. So I did what do, I went to Reddit to see what other women were saying and that's when I learned that if you are with an abusive partner therapy can just be another way to leak them information that they can use against you. They take a safe space and wreak havoc. No space is sacred to a Narcissist.
So I don't know if he killed any animals. I don't know what he's capable of. I do know that me and my cat are much calmer now. Maybe me and my cat really aren't as crazy as I grew to believe. Also, your partner should never have a plan for if they kill you. That's not normal.
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