It's Nights Like These...

I hate it when my brain won't let me sleep. Maybe it's also my heart... sending the bits of pain back up to my brain. Reminding me constantly of allllll the many disappointments I have had to deal with. Oh, also, I talked to Jordan. He may have meant well (not that I think he actually gives a shit) but talking to him just made me realize that NO ONE understands how I feel. "Move On!" "Move on, Brooke." "Move on, let it go." It's what I keep hearing and reading. I AM OVER US BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP!! Have been for about a year. But it's only been about ONE GOD DAMN MONTH since he finally proved to be nothing more than a horny, porn addicted, loser, jerk face. I just want to be able to sleep without dreams/nightmares. Without anxiety attacks. Without crying. Without angry thoughts day and night. NO ONE wants to know they wasted a lot of their life. But when the actual amount is 4 years it's a little fucking hard to "move on". I am worn out. I am. And not in the emotionally wrecked sort of way that I was. Although there is still some of that. I am drained in the mentally wrecked sort of way. Because when you are given meds to help you stop being so depressed they don't really stop you from thinking. And thinking is all I do. Yup, that's me. Jealous?