Today I chose to attend (virtually) the parole hearing for one of the men that robbed me 10 years ago. He didn't seem remorseful. He never said sorry; not once. All I heard were excuses. He was young. He hung out with the wrong people. He has suffered from depression since being locked up.
I saw his family logging in behind their own computer screens, and the anger took hold. He was asked if he had a plan for progress if he were to get out, to which he said he didn't. He was going to move back in with his sister in Orem, Utah. He was congratulated for his support system. The same support system that tried to help them not be caught after they (he, his brother, and a friend) had robbed countless people. He was told that they'd seen a positive improvement from him.
He had literally started a prison riot in just 2021.
I was watching ONE WHITE MAN determine the situation of something he knew nothing about. While the previous guy heard it be asked if there were any victim's present; Cristian was not given that information. He didn't know I was there. He didn't know I was watching them. They didn't ask him how he felt after what he had done. They didn't ask if he had remorse. They mentioned that he had multiple offenses from prison outside of the riot. When they brought up his graffiti charge from his arrest 10 years ago, they asked if it was from before or after the robberies, as if that would determine if he'd learned his lesson. He hinted that he couldn't remember, but that it was right around that time. I yelled into the abyss. He and I both know he continued being a dumbass after the night of April 4th, 2012. He continued to commit crimes even after what he'd done. He knew what day that graffiti charge was from. That misstep is what got him caught. Read that again: the popo caught him for graffiti and not for his violent reign on Utah County. He knew the day. He hadn't learned his lesson then and I do not believe he is a changed man now.
So to his dick-ass replies of :
"I was just a kid..."
"I had just turned 18...
"I suffer from depression now..."
"It's been hard because I lost so many years, so young..."
"You know how it is..." (when remarking on being in a gang)
Well, where do I fucking start?
C,
I was just a fucking kid. I was 21. I had a fucking future grasped in my hand. I was working two jobs and I had just registered to return to college. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was in the 4th grade.
After the robbery, my head was so fucked up that I didn't even start seeing parts of myself again until I was 29 fucking-years-old. It's been hard to sit with yourself? Yeah, I can fucking imagine that must be hard.. I do know how it is. What I don't understand is how you cannot look around at all of the fucking people who don't join gangs. I hope you enjoy Orem, UT. I will memorize every detail of your fucking face. I will know you the second I see you. You won't have a mask, and I won't need one. I wanna talk, truly I do.
Oh, and that incredible support system you speak of. I don't have family. Yet here I sit, working on myself. I have many plans set in place to keep making progress. I do these things because change takes work. You're shit.
Sincerely,
- The "Bitch" at a tanning salon
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