Drastically Rearranged

I met someone. I can't really put into words what it is like to talk to another human being and then realize you've spent the better part of your life disengaged or dimmed. Sitting in silence doesn't feel awkward, it is more of an understanding that you are thinking and that's okay. He's an open book that I want to keep reading. Hell, I would read him a handful of times, I'm sure. I'd probably learn something new about myself each and every dive back in.

We went to a "Silent Disco". 10/10 would recommend to anyone who loves music.

He never touched my body. In fact, he stayed about a foot away from me for 98% of the night. A stranger touched me and the words, "he touched me, but he didn't need to" kept playing in my mind. I really had to focus on not letting go of the fun. After that though I snapped back into living in the moment. There I was with a wicked cool person who was letting me be a woman having fun. There were no expectations. He even asked if he could touch my headphones before he touched them. And all of a sudden it was like: BING!

He respected me more in that one fucking encounter than I've ever been respected in my life. He is not from The U.S., and it shows. I'm not a fool. I understand that misogyny exists everywhere. It's a fucking plague. However, he addresses that part of himself so eloquently that sometimes I find myself trying to dive into his brain. Is he a professional con-man? Is he a Narcissist who has perfected his skill?

Needless to say, I got home today and cried. Therapy has opened up a lot of memories and although I want to understand myself better, I've gotta lay it down straight: this is hard. I haven't loved myself enough. People have sensed that about me and they have taken advantage. Men, lots of men. People enjoy making fun of women like me with a term coined as "Daddy Issues" because even the abuse from a father must be placed back on the little girl.

I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of the blurred lines of consent. So let us recap:

Yes is yes. Maybe is no. No is no. Yes can become a no at any time. Yes can become a maybe, which is still a no. One yes now does not mean yes in the future.
 
Silence is no answer which is NO.

Hey Tory Talbot Hall, when a girl is passed out it's called rape.