I didn't know when I reached out to C, that M would join us in this hard, messed up, sad, devastating journey. Fuck, I didn't know there would be a journey. I didn't know if I'd be doing more harm than good. I lost balance on those fears. I thought of every scenario, different starts and middles, but always the same end: Z harms again.
So I reached out, and C reached out, and WE stood up together.
Since then, 3 have become 5.
Nobody wants to find out that someone they are dating has taken advantage of....
Nobody should be harming us.
So I had a break down. I've been having a lot of those. The number of predators in my life..... has had an impactful effect. And yeah, Z (at the age of 24, sexually assaulted/raped an 18-year-old). He moved on to the next target and she learned to live post-Z. It's a new normal. When I think back to how many nights with him, I remember vs. how many nights I do not, I get shivers. He dated me, so what about the girls he only took advantage of once. How evil has he been? I never thought I'd be hearing from someone who was only 18 when Z garishly entered her life. I never allowed myself to think it.
Every day, I get further and further away from myself. How could I have been in love with him?
I am not sleeping well.
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