from the attic

I watch them from the window
Dark figures never know how to properly end
Always leave a signature as they depart
Caution to the wind

His shadows were invited
Up to the view
Permission to strike up pleasure
An ever-present nonchalant attitude

I gave him my safe place
He wanted to own the whole cafe
I gave him my heart
He wanted to toy with my brain

He's a dirty dime in a plastic bucket
A wavering no pump chump, with nice hair
I count the change out
My copper renaissance love affair

Ask myself to breathe in then out
Beg myself to move
I stand amongst my fellows in a musty basement room
Admit my weaknesses and pain

Shoulder the shame I was given at three
Growl out the anger from when I was first seen
Tear apart my rib cage in the name of eve
He and they cannot have me

**NEED TO EDIT** 

to remember

He talked of putting down the bottle, whiskey near his arm
I believed in him then
Around the cafe; a cloud of smoke to the side of his charm
He wore that same hoodie
One syllable behind my closed mind
An open mirror to welcome the sound
He could never avoid the need for long


(TWO SEPARATE OR MAKE MORE COHESIVE?)

An evening to meet his friends
Then some backlash to his backout
Under a neon moon, a charismatic force felt smackdown
The same night I'd see him switch out
Had to jumpstart his car
His reflection left town
Reconciliation isn't one with the crowd

I tried to exit through the alley, shadows to my side
His whispered promises clasped my mind
I thought we'd be just fine
Afterall, he had said I was alright
We were a December to remember
...... (NEEDS MORE HERE)
He is a year I can only hope to forget

**NEED TO ADD/EDIT**

Emotional Irrationality

What is the truth?
There are no rules for thee
Those all seem to belong here, with me
Now holding heavy resentment for the word clarity
Late night musings bring up something, but I won't retreat

I muster laughter
at the expense of irony
Take it back
Take it back
Take me back to before that passenger seat

Do you know where I've been?
Did you listen at all to our shared dreams?
Eliciting a response from a barstool
Featuring the written words of a melodramatic dead-fool
I'm not the beast you've driven me to see

I've never been one to go down on my knees
Gifted me quiet desperation, not defeat
Do you know what I've found?
Did you see who we could be?
Everything's now familiar terrain 

There are ones who impact everyone they meet
A heavy burden and responsibility
Without heart and soul
Plausible deniability
Even while sitting in the driver's seat

Do you fear what I see?
Can you taste what I breathe?
There are those who choose
to avoid accountability
They break through doors and smash our walls
Leave us a mess, rinse and repeat

**NEED TO EDIT**

Hole in The Ground

I watch your name slide
further and further down
I keep my promise
I won't make a sound
I build conversations that will never be read
Like I miss you even now
Even now that I know my true pal
Or why your world blurs
Why words are used to burn
You steer that deranged ship
I beat in the sense of it,
with each and every rip
We were never meant to fit

You're a wild card with a hot rod
I am a body in someone else's bed
I build conversations that will never be said
I thought I'd never spill
Our secret love affair
I'd see things from your point-of-view
Anonymity
Respectfully
You're a lost guy, simple nod, a quiet fret
So go find your solace
Time in a church well spent
Build conversations, while spoon fed
You're in hindsight, no longer a threat

Two worlds collided
Needed a drink,
just to pretend you can think
I am who I need
and what I strive to be
I build conversations to reconnect
Can't pretend to know
Why through a tragic rage
This cycle always finds me
Terror of proximity
To come upon another blank page
Admission for one
No entrance fee

You sipped your tea until I walked down the street
A liquid substitute for who you pretended you could be

**NEED TO EDIT**