Johnny and Marilyn

Johnny Depp and Marilyn Manson are friends. complete sentence

There should be no follow up to that. We shouldn't have to explain what that means. We shouldn't have to prove it. Yet here we are, judging Amber Heard; just as we've judged the women from before. (Leave Evan Rachel Wood alone.) I used to think I'd never be "the kind of woman" who ends up in an abusive relationship and that I could never possibly be my mom. Yet, it happened on multiple occasions. In fact, those that abused me most harshly, I loved. I was in love with their darkest parts and made them my own. I wrapped their issues around and felt the warmth of certain destruction; my familiar. I came from an abusive childhood. My father hurt me in every way. At a very young age I lost sight of healthy love. So I ran to those that mirrored what I'd always seen; sometimes I'd try to fix them and on the unlucky days they'd try to take me down with them. Addiction, abuse, a roller-coaster of emotions that started to lead to only one exit: Anger. I began to lash out, right on back. Then I'd carry the weight of believing that I was truly the monster in any scenario. Further and further I fell, until I almost didn't return. Sobriety was supposed to be my savior (laughable) but instead it became just a stepping stone, to the realization that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't accept this treatment, because it was and is wrong. We cannot keep normalizing "crazy women" and we certainly cannot continue to judge the women who are speaking out. She could be you. She is me. I recognize so much of myself in Amber Heard. I've thrown things. I have verbally abused. I have finally hit back. Back, being the key word here. Between the mental health issues, trauma, and being surrounded by drug use; I became what I saw around me: I was chaos, and I was surrounded by harm.

When we speak out we question ourselves. When we try to leave we get pulled back in. A small part of me still questions that night he told me I had eaten a cereal that I had never had before. Had I actually eaten that cereal before?

The answer is no.

The answer no evades you over time. What's the point in saying no? They won't listen. By losing your ability to say no you are losing your ability to exist as your true self. So you become a shell of a human. Their thoughts must be right because you can't remember, and they definitely will change, you have to make it work. You love them. You need them. It's crazy how much you can remember once you're out. You start to realize that maybe your memory isn't so bad after all. You realize that you can do a lot of things without them. It becomes so blatantly clear that things are actually easier without them.

Then you have to decide what to do when you leave. Do you stay silent and move on? All the while knowing that there is a new target. Or do you speak? In the case of Amber Heard, she was never going to be allowed to release herself from his grip. So she had to face the world; lay out her trauma on a silver platter. Then the world picked up that platter and clonked her on the head with it.

Sure, maybe she's crazy. I've been called crazy many times. I too have carried the title of "slut", "skank", "prude", "bitch", "gold-digger". Even with all of those labels there are some things you can't change: I was abused.