Sundays.

No unhappy person in the world looks forward to a Sunday. A day where sitting around is more likely to occur. I wonder if suicide rates are higher on this day of SUNday. I don't see the sun. In fact, it's quite grey outside.

"I am never going to be good enough for you am I?"

A sentence that haunts me. A sentence that repeats itself through my mind. Twisting and curling. I asked him this. And now I'm asking my parents...

You see, I once told myself that if I was just Mormon enough maybe they would love me fully. I once was a good little Mormon girl. Going to church every Sunday. Going to Young Women's activities. Being there for Family Home Evening. Wearing my modest clothes. (which I still usually do; my boobs just don't fit in ANYTHING.) Even then it was never good enough. I'm sort of worried that eventually I won't even be good enough for my boyfriend. A fear that will be sure to push us apart if I can't stop being a depressed loser. That's right. I am admitting I am a loser. But there doesn't appear to be anything I can do. My doctor told me it would be a process.

Everything I read tells me it will be a lifelong struggle. You see people, there is a difference being being depressed and HAVING depression. Pristiq just doesn't cut it anymore. And I'm feeling so overwhelmed.