Figure Me Out.

My nightmares consist of realistic moments that have or could have happened in my life.
When people read about the dream/nightmare I am about to share they are going to wonder how that is considered a nightmare. But all in all, I guess it shows that the majority of my life with my "family" was indeed a nightmare for me. 

...

I am at the mall with my siblings and mom. We are going school shopping. I really need no-show socks, and that's all I really went in knowing I needed. I find no-show socks with all the colors I love. And I'm like, "Mom! I found some" and I am about to grab them to be purchased when my mom is like, "No, you don't need those. We're on a budget." I begin to argue that while yes, we could very well be on a budget how are no-show socks going to ruin that budget?! She makes excuses, my siblings are like come on, whining and arguing as usual. I end up getting extremely pissed and frustrated, so I walk away from my family, I need to cool off.

I'm walking around, doing my thing, breathing in and out.

I run into them again. And Kaitlyn has a BUNCH of bags of purchased merchandise. So I'm like, okay, and I couldn't get no-show socks?! Then Keith is like, "Yeah, and she got a vest too." This makes me see red. I don't "need" no-show socks, but she needs a vest?!

All of a sudden we're at a food court and I'm throwing all of their food in the garbage can while screaming about how much they have ruined my life, about how sad I am, and how I wish that they could just get how fucked up they are.

...

I'm wondering why I even woke up.
I feel like shit, sort of wanna cry.
And I just want my mom to buy me no-show socks without arguing about it like always.

I think I'm close to going into that mode my therapist told me about. After a traumatic experience the mind feels as though it is healing, and then BAM something bad will happen and you will break.

I haven't seen my therapist in weeks.

And obviously the problem is bigger than no-show socks.