Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Movie with Mom.
Any people that want to go around and keep saying things like: "Who brings their 6 year old to a movie at midnight?!" need to actually go eat a bar of soap.
I know that if my mom had taken me to a movie when I was 6 years old, and it was just us girls, together, laughing...
I just know it would have been a good thing for my mom to have done.
She was a mom who spent her weekend with her child, and lately I've noticed young moms don't seem to do that as often as they should.
I imagine she is a lovely lady, and her loss hurts me.
Parents should never outlive their children.
I hope the monster who took her away from her mommy gets what is coming to him.
I know that if my mom had taken me to a movie when I was 6 years old, and it was just us girls, together, laughing...
I just know it would have been a good thing for my mom to have done.
She was a mom who spent her weekend with her child, and lately I've noticed young moms don't seem to do that as often as they should.
I imagine she is a lovely lady, and her loss hurts me.
Parents should never outlive their children.
I hope the monster who took her away from her mommy gets what is coming to him.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
A Violation
A great article to describe the extent of this betrayal: READ
A piece of that article...
"...And whatever identity you enter with into the dark, welcome coolness of the movie theater disappears; you simply become a member of the audience. This is why we go to the movies. For that anonymity and that safety. It's the one place parents of teenagers everywhere let go of the worry for at least a few hours because you know where they are and nothing bad will happen. And that's why this horrific assault on the people gathered in Theater #9 in the Century 16 complex in Aurora, Colorado is so painful and a violation of epic proportions.
We sink into those spongy, salty seats with sticky floors to get away, turn off and tune in. Our guards down, we thrill to the chases, the explosions, the punches and narrow escapes, the love, the lust, the morality plays and the lessons learned, the good guys always win and the bad guys get it in the end. The guns and the blood aren't real but we pretend with all our hearts it is. That's the fun and the guilelessness of sitting there in the dark -- give me all you got, I trust you, I'm yours.
That's why we agonize over the long moments when these true innocents -- moviegoers for god's sake -- realized something terrible was really happening."
Words I couldn't express until now.
A piece of that article...
"...And whatever identity you enter with into the dark, welcome coolness of the movie theater disappears; you simply become a member of the audience. This is why we go to the movies. For that anonymity and that safety. It's the one place parents of teenagers everywhere let go of the worry for at least a few hours because you know where they are and nothing bad will happen. And that's why this horrific assault on the people gathered in Theater #9 in the Century 16 complex in Aurora, Colorado is so painful and a violation of epic proportions.
We sink into those spongy, salty seats with sticky floors to get away, turn off and tune in. Our guards down, we thrill to the chases, the explosions, the punches and narrow escapes, the love, the lust, the morality plays and the lessons learned, the good guys always win and the bad guys get it in the end. The guns and the blood aren't real but we pretend with all our hearts it is. That's the fun and the guilelessness of sitting there in the dark -- give me all you got, I trust you, I'm yours.
That's why we agonize over the long moments when these true innocents -- moviegoers for god's sake -- realized something terrible was really happening."
Words I couldn't express until now.
Cold
I've just had one of the most disgusting conversations of my life.
People accusing those in the theater of being cowards because no one tried to fight back.
People accusing those in the theater of being cowards because they didn't protect their loved ones.
People accusing US, victims of gun violence, of being cowards for not fighting back when a gun was in our face.
How dare anyone speak or write of these things.
I am shaking in fury.
Anyone that believes this should try having a loaded gun pointed right at them.
And to make matters worse, this loaded gun will be firing rounds.
Get real people.
These victims did all they could in the situation that was presented upon them.
I feel like I should weep for how cold many in this country have grown to be.
People accusing those in the theater of being cowards because no one tried to fight back.
People accusing those in the theater of being cowards because they didn't protect their loved ones.
People accusing US, victims of gun violence, of being cowards for not fighting back when a gun was in our face.
How dare anyone speak or write of these things.
I am shaking in fury.
Anyone that believes this should try having a loaded gun pointed right at them.
And to make matters worse, this loaded gun will be firing rounds.
Get real people.
These victims did all they could in the situation that was presented upon them.
I feel like I should weep for how cold many in this country have grown to be.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Tragedy
Tragedy is something to be thought of silently, not exploded upon the world like a movie.
What disgusts me almost as much as the monsters that go out and shoot humans that are just living their lives, is the people that talk about it afterwards like it's some "exciting, hot story".
I makes me want to stick my face in a pillow and scream, all to avoid gagging.
You're giving this monster what he wants. You've made it a popularity contest.
This country is sickening. It is breeding monsters and little monsters.
A good night was ruined for so many people, it cannot be looked back on with smiles and cheers. The ticket stub is like a hot coal in your hand instead of a piece of happiness.
Monsters, so many of you.
What disgusts me almost as much as the monsters that go out and shoot humans that are just living their lives, is the people that talk about it afterwards like it's some "exciting, hot story".
I makes me want to stick my face in a pillow and scream, all to avoid gagging.
You're giving this monster what he wants. You've made it a popularity contest.
This country is sickening. It is breeding monsters and little monsters.
A good night was ruined for so many people, it cannot be looked back on with smiles and cheers. The ticket stub is like a hot coal in your hand instead of a piece of happiness.
Monsters, so many of you.
Aurora, Colorado
My heart aches so deeply right now.
I cannot fully imagine what anyone is going through.
The idea that these monsters live among us, day to day,
it's sickening.
I can't stop my mind from going a million miles per hour, and I just want to kill the coward who did this. But that wouldn't be solving much of anything, it would only further carry on the violence that this country seems to so easily accept.
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people."
yeah, yeah, yeah, and
"Toasters don't toast bread. People toast bread."
This world is depressing.
I cannot fully imagine what anyone is going through.
The idea that these monsters live among us, day to day,
it's sickening.
I can't stop my mind from going a million miles per hour, and I just want to kill the coward who did this. But that wouldn't be solving much of anything, it would only further carry on the violence that this country seems to so easily accept.
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people."
yeah, yeah, yeah, and
"Toasters don't toast bread. People toast bread."
This world is depressing.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Figure Me Out.
My nightmares consist of realistic moments that have or could have happened in my life.
When people read about the dream/nightmare I am about to share they are going to wonder how that is considered a nightmare. But all in all, I guess it shows that the majority of my life with my "family" was indeed a nightmare for me.
...
I am at the mall with my siblings and mom. We are going school shopping. I really need no-show socks, and that's all I really went in knowing I needed. I find no-show socks with all the colors I love. And I'm like, "Mom! I found some" and I am about to grab them to be purchased when my mom is like, "No, you don't need those. We're on a budget." I begin to argue that while yes, we could very well be on a budget how are no-show socks going to ruin that budget?! She makes excuses, my siblings are like come on, whining and arguing as usual. I end up getting extremely pissed and frustrated, so I walk away from my family, I need to cool off.
I'm walking around, doing my thing, breathing in and out.
I run into them again. And Kaitlyn has a BUNCH of bags of purchased merchandise. So I'm like, okay, and I couldn't get no-show socks?! Then Keith is like, "Yeah, and she got a vest too." This makes me see red. I don't "need" no-show socks, but she needs a vest?!
All of a sudden we're at a food court and I'm throwing all of their food in the garbage can while screaming about how much they have ruined my life, about how sad I am, and how I wish that they could just get how fucked up they are.
...
I'm wondering why I even woke up.
I feel like shit, sort of wanna cry.
And I just want my mom to buy me no-show socks without arguing about it like always.
I think I'm close to going into that mode my therapist told me about. After a traumatic experience the mind feels as though it is healing, and then BAM something bad will happen and you will break.
I haven't seen my therapist in weeks.
And obviously the problem is bigger than no-show socks.
When people read about the dream/nightmare I am about to share they are going to wonder how that is considered a nightmare. But all in all, I guess it shows that the majority of my life with my "family" was indeed a nightmare for me.
...
I am at the mall with my siblings and mom. We are going school shopping. I really need no-show socks, and that's all I really went in knowing I needed. I find no-show socks with all the colors I love. And I'm like, "Mom! I found some" and I am about to grab them to be purchased when my mom is like, "No, you don't need those. We're on a budget." I begin to argue that while yes, we could very well be on a budget how are no-show socks going to ruin that budget?! She makes excuses, my siblings are like come on, whining and arguing as usual. I end up getting extremely pissed and frustrated, so I walk away from my family, I need to cool off.
I'm walking around, doing my thing, breathing in and out.
I run into them again. And Kaitlyn has a BUNCH of bags of purchased merchandise. So I'm like, okay, and I couldn't get no-show socks?! Then Keith is like, "Yeah, and she got a vest too." This makes me see red. I don't "need" no-show socks, but she needs a vest?!
All of a sudden we're at a food court and I'm throwing all of their food in the garbage can while screaming about how much they have ruined my life, about how sad I am, and how I wish that they could just get how fucked up they are.
...
I'm wondering why I even woke up.
I feel like shit, sort of wanna cry.
And I just want my mom to buy me no-show socks without arguing about it like always.
I think I'm close to going into that mode my therapist told me about. After a traumatic experience the mind feels as though it is healing, and then BAM something bad will happen and you will break.
I haven't seen my therapist in weeks.
And obviously the problem is bigger than no-show socks.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
My Victim Impact Statement:
The judge asked me to state my full name to the court...
I then proceeded to read the following:
On April 4th my world changed. I was working at my job in Springville when he walked in with a gun. At first I thought it was some sick joke, I mean who robs a tanning salon? It became very clear it wasn't a joke when he put the gun in my face. My immediate thoughts were: beg for mercy and maybe even cry, but I realized it was up to me to protect the customers. When I had given him the money from the register he should have been on his way. But no, in his sick, twisted mind it wasn't good enough. He demanded that I get the money out of the safe. I explained that I had no way to open the safe. He quickly became very angry and aimed the gun at my head. I thought he was going to kill me. I begged him to please believe me and to look at the safe. When a person believes they are staring death in the eyes so many things change.
Healing from something like this has been hard. The dark scares me. I must have all of my blinds closed at night. I randomly go into panic when places get too loud or crowded. Falling asleep is a chore. And trusting that I can walk by a stranger without meeting harm no longer exists for me. He took away my peace.
And the worst part is, he seemed to be gaining pleasure from the whole thing. I will never forget his eyes. They told me everything about him. He's a selfish, coward that needs to hide behind a gun. A boy who likes to refer to women as "bitches". A boy who wreaks havoc. I hope he is put away for a very long time, so he cannot do this to anyone else.
I was just a girl working at a job that paid minimum wage. I was trying to pay for MY own life. A life I will never fully have back. And all of this for just $230.
I then proceeded to read the following:
On April 4th my world changed. I was working at my job in Springville when he walked in with a gun. At first I thought it was some sick joke, I mean who robs a tanning salon? It became very clear it wasn't a joke when he put the gun in my face. My immediate thoughts were: beg for mercy and maybe even cry, but I realized it was up to me to protect the customers. When I had given him the money from the register he should have been on his way. But no, in his sick, twisted mind it wasn't good enough. He demanded that I get the money out of the safe. I explained that I had no way to open the safe. He quickly became very angry and aimed the gun at my head. I thought he was going to kill me. I begged him to please believe me and to look at the safe. When a person believes they are staring death in the eyes so many things change.
Healing from something like this has been hard. The dark scares me. I must have all of my blinds closed at night. I randomly go into panic when places get too loud or crowded. Falling asleep is a chore. And trusting that I can walk by a stranger without meeting harm no longer exists for me. He took away my peace.
And the worst part is, he seemed to be gaining pleasure from the whole thing. I will never forget his eyes. They told me everything about him. He's a selfish, coward that needs to hide behind a gun. A boy who likes to refer to women as "bitches". A boy who wreaks havoc. I hope he is put away for a very long time, so he cannot do this to anyone else.
I was just a girl working at a job that paid minimum wage. I was trying to pay for MY own life. A life I will never fully have back. And all of this for just $230.
When A Daddy Loves His Baby; When A Baby Loves Her Daddy
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