Vindictive,

After putting up my last post I have been thinking a lot about how being vindictive comes to be.

I realize that I am no person to talk.

And that bums me out. I used to be so happy, and bright. Now I constantly feel like I am walking under a cloud of doom. And this makes me realize that to be vindictive is to spread it. Others have made me this way and keep me this way, and if I don't try to stop, I could be causing it for someone else. I need to not allow the world to get to me so much. Yes, a lot of people suck. Yes, Utah sucks. Yes, religion sucks. But there is not a damn thing I can do about it. What I can do is smile and wave, because one day I'll be living in a big city or a small town or an in-between of that. One day I will be a mother of a child, or 2, or 3. One day I will have a fuzzy faced, 6 ft. 3 in. man, who wears plaid, button up shirts (this I can not take anything but, it is how it is), and maybe I'll be a teacher, or a counselor, or a stay at home mom who has a side job of selling jewelry out of the house. It doesn't matter what it is, I'll do it. The world is my oyster. I will not be at Golden Corral at 30 years old, with no schooling to my name. I will not be settling for the ghetto. I will not be settling for any man that pops into my life. And I will one day be genuinely happy again. As my dad has been telling me lately when he's noticed how down I am:

"This is all means to an end. You are not going to be here forever."