Wallah:

"The star-shaped morning glory is symbolic of a single day each year in which the Chinese lovers, Chien Niu and Chih Neu, are allowed to meet. According to Chinese lore, Chien Niu was a boy star who was entrusted to take care of water buffalo in the heavenly kingdom. A girl star named Chih Neu was put in charge of seamstress duties. They fell in love, and the romance caused them to neglect their duties. In anger, God forced the young lovers to be separated on both sides of the Silver River and allowed then to meet only once during the whole year...The morning glory is aptly named, as the flower blooms in the morning and dies by the afternoon."

It had begun.

It hurt a lot.

It was still hurting a lot.

It still hurt a lot. But it was done and beautiful. I guess I should say is beautiful. I feel pretty vain, I keep looking at myself in the mirror.

...LOVE...

"Writing is a means of carving order from chaos, of challenging one's own beliefs and assumptions, of facing the world with eyes and heart wide open. Through writing, we declare a personal identity... and we find purpose and beauty and meaning." 

-Jack Heffron

"Sometimes remembering will lead to a story, which makes it forever. That's what stories are for. Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can't remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember except the story.

-Tim O'Brien

the truth about my nose dreams,

they ruin my real world.

For you see, sometimes I have these very real, vivid dreams. In them I get a nose job, and I am pretty. And I am happy. And boys like me for more than my body. And everything is peachy. Like, really peachy.

Then I wake up.

...

"You are capable of much more than just being looked at."

May this quote effect more than just me. We women need to get this in our heads!

one of those nights.

“I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile”

As it is,

I am ready to fall in love.

I am ready to give my all to another person.

I am ready to believe in a future.

I am ready to smile every morning when I wake up to find the love of my life laying next to me.
I am ready to pay every bill, shop for my own food, and clean my own kitchen.

I am ready to argue over stupid things and then kiss everything all better.

And I am ready for it all to not be with him.

Brooke Button.

Sometimes I literally feel like I'm Benjamin Button.

My body should be young and alive, but instead it's like an 80 year old woman's body.

What 20 year old gets ulcers?
What 20 year old has arthritis in their fingers and hands?

What 20 year old is ready to go to bed at 9:30?
And I know I should stop complaining because things could be worse...

I could be bald.... *shudder.

In other news,

Grandfather Moomchi may be coming to see us next month. I am so excited to meet the man that gave me my Iranian blood. Like, REALLY excited. I don't think anyone gets it. My family thinks I'm weird for already naming the grandfather I've never met. Psh, I think it's lovely. Does it get me some points Grandfather Moomchi? Because I would LOVE a nose job. *smile&blinky eyes*.

Also, my mother bought me a sort of... "self help" book. All because I found this book at the Orem library called: My Big Nose and other natural disasters THIS book called out to me. Really, it did. But I can't say I hated getting the "self help" book, I was ready to high light the sh*t out of it.

And last, but not least... for anyone that is a facebook friend you may have noticed my profile-ish pictures. As much as I cannot accept my big nose... I also can. It's become easier for me to be okay with a picture of me. Now, don't get excited, I will NEVER love or even like my nose, but this whole knowing for sure that I am Iranian has made my nose more... exotically acceptable. Too bad I'm in America...

i hate this town.

alcoholics anonymous

i should join.

because right now, i want alcohol.

all of the time i want alcohol.

i can't handle life like a normal person so i drink.

THIS is what he did to me.

THIS is not how i want to live the rest of my life.

THIS could be it.

i don't like this knowledge.

‎"If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim." - P.S. I Love You

Anniversary of Fucked Up.

Tomorrow will come, and hopefully I will handle it just fine.

I've been having some problems with anxiety the past week or so.

Followed by dreams that leave me frustrated with my brain, get over it already.

There is nothing left to sort out yo.

maybe, probably, sort of.