As it is,

I am ready to fall in love.

I am ready to give my all to another person.

I am ready to believe in a future.

I am ready to smile every morning when I wake up to find the love of my life laying next to me.
I am ready to pay every bill, shop for my own food, and clean my own kitchen.

I am ready to argue over stupid things and then kiss everything all better.

And I am ready for it all to not be with him.

Brooke Button.

Sometimes I literally feel like I'm Benjamin Button.

My body should be young and alive, but instead it's like an 80 year old woman's body.

What 20 year old gets ulcers?
What 20 year old has arthritis in their fingers and hands?

What 20 year old is ready to go to bed at 9:30?
And I know I should stop complaining because things could be worse...

I could be bald.... *shudder.

In other news,

Grandfather Moomchi may be coming to see us next month. I am so excited to meet the man that gave me my Iranian blood. Like, REALLY excited. I don't think anyone gets it. My family thinks I'm weird for already naming the grandfather I've never met. Psh, I think it's lovely. Does it get me some points Grandfather Moomchi? Because I would LOVE a nose job. *smile&blinky eyes*.

Also, my mother bought me a sort of... "self help" book. All because I found this book at the Orem library called: My Big Nose and other natural disasters THIS book called out to me. Really, it did. But I can't say I hated getting the "self help" book, I was ready to high light the sh*t out of it.

And last, but not least... for anyone that is a facebook friend you may have noticed my profile-ish pictures. As much as I cannot accept my big nose... I also can. It's become easier for me to be okay with a picture of me. Now, don't get excited, I will NEVER love or even like my nose, but this whole knowing for sure that I am Iranian has made my nose more... exotically acceptable. Too bad I'm in America...

i hate this town.

alcoholics anonymous

i should join.

because right now, i want alcohol.

all of the time i want alcohol.

i can't handle life like a normal person so i drink.

THIS is what he did to me.

THIS is not how i want to live the rest of my life.

THIS could be it.

i don't like this knowledge.

‎"If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim." - P.S. I Love You

Anniversary of Fucked Up.

Tomorrow will come, and hopefully I will handle it just fine.

I've been having some problems with anxiety the past week or so.

Followed by dreams that leave me frustrated with my brain, get over it already.

There is nothing left to sort out yo.

maybe, probably, sort of.

Cops, Po Po, Pigs

So, tonight I decided to go out on the corner by my house and jokingly put my leg and thumb out just to see what any passersby would do. A cop just so happens to be the first car to go by. And what does he do? He decides to STOP in the lane, OBSTRUCTING traffic, get out of his car that is OBSTRUCTING traffic, and then come over to me threatening to give me a ticket for.... are you ready?...... OBSTRUCTING traffic. :P hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. What a DOUCHE. Anyway, so I'm obviously not taking this event seriously, so he has to go on and on thinking he has important things to say. He is annoyed with me for not thinking he is some sort of God and I am annoyed with him for existing, so we are not going to be friends, it is obvious. But it doesn't end here, another DOUCHE has to show up. Because you know, Lindon cops have nothing better to do with their "skills". They are now BOTH blocking the street, OBSTRUCTING more traffic flow. Two cops, one girl.... hmmmm. Also of importance is the fact that cars go 45-mph hour down our street when it is supposed to be a 25-mph zone and that he wasn't busy pulling over those cars he was busy OBSTRUCTING traffic and badgering me. So yes, the moral of this story is:

Cops are full of douchebaggery, and douchebags are bad for our vaginas.

Douchebaggery is not a friendly color on you my friend.

forever.

today will forever be the day that a selfish, lying, shite person got away with murdering her child. what has this world become? when a mother can kill her child, the person who she should unconditionally love, and then get away with it there is something terribly wrong with our belief system.

i am disgusted.

please someone take care of this monster....

my light, my aura

I keep hearing that I have this light about me and that is why certain people are drawn to me. I don't see it.

I am really, really tired.