Awwwww.

One of my fellow workers called to check up on me. :)
Thanks Jacob. You just rocked my day.

I now know...

Words really do make a difference. 

A text from my boss made me cry. Yes, I am on pain meds; sucky pain meds. But still, knowing that he isn't angry that I have not been able to come into work takes away soooo much stress. I feel like I am a balloon and I am being blown up too much and I am going to pop. Now there is just a little less air in me. 

Oh, and universe/God/Satan/whatever is out there... if you plan on killing me. Please get it over with. I am about done with this pain.

Dear Body,

I am sooooo tired of being in pain. The meds only take off the edge. When will this end?

Back to bed I go. This took too much energy.

Sometimes...

a quote is all you need.

..."Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you;
they're supposed to help you discover who you are."...

-Bernice Johnson Reagon

Ha. Ha. Ha.

In less than 24 hours three cars that I have driven have died. Sometimes I just have to laugh at my life.

The Walk

Inside-out, upside-down, twisting beside myselfStop that now 'cause you and I were never meant to meetI think you'd better leave, it's not safe in hereI feel a weakness coming onAlright then, alright then, I could keep your number for a rainy dayThat's where this ends, no mistakes, no misbehavingI was doing so well, could we just be friends?I feel a weakness coming onIt's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at allI don't want to feel like this, yeahWas not meant to be like this, not what I planned at allI don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your faultInside-out, upside-down, twisting beside myselfStop that now, you're as close as it gets without touching meOh now, don't make it harder than it already isAnd I feel a weakness coming onIt's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at allI don't want to feel like this, yeahWas not meant to be like this, not what I planned at allI don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your faultBig trouble losing controlPrimary resistance at a critical lowOn the double gotta get a holdPoint of no return, one second to goNo response on any level, red alert, this vessel's under siegeTotal overload, all systems down, they've got controlThere's no way out, we are surroundedGive in, give in and relish every minute of itFreeze, awake here foreverI feel a weakness coming onIt's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at allI don't want to feel like this, yeahWas not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't needI don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your faultFeel like this, it's all your faultFeel like this, it's all your fault
-Imogen Heap

There is only one me...

While at work this past little while I have been passing a sign put up by a teacher. On this sign is a sentence that keeps grabbing my attention.

"There is only one you."

Every time I pass by this sign I stop, think to myself: "There is only one me.", then continue on with my required tasks.

There is only one me.

I thought that I had finally fixed myself only to be sorely wrong. So this time world, I am doing it right. I am going to make something of myself. Even if it's a year from now, two years from now, or ten years from now.

And I plan on starting with college.
UVU are you ready for Brooke Conley? Because I'm coming whether you are or not.

Cold As You

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away
No use defending words that you will never say

And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there lovin' you and washed them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away
No use defending words that you will never say

And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing, honey
But I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody
If I died, died for you, died for you

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending give to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counted all the scars you made

Now that I'm sittin her thinkin' it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

-Taylor Swift
________________________________

The perfect song to describe it all.
The perfect song to end it all.
I will not be writing about YOU again.

Logic:

They were addictions.
She is the newest addiction.
I was really ever just a Nicotine Patch.

I Just Don't Get It.

How do some people go through this world being amazingly cruel and yet everyone thinks they are good people?? I know, lets erase ourselves. Not exist. For what reason??

I am not a bad person. I am not a perfect person either.... and right now I am feeling really.... drained. I am now known as the irrational, angry, crazy, ex-gf.

Let us all take a minute to think (think clearly). What could have pushed me to do what I did?? It was definitely not nothing. It was something. It was more than something. It was everything. 4 years of pain, betrayal, and anger.

So I snapped.

"God, f*ck you."

No Nicko Karkolov, fuck you.

"She said she would leave me if you were in my life. wa wa wa"

Oh, I'm sorry...
Didn't she already leave you??


P.S. How much have you cried in self-pity the past few months?



“The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing”... and I understand you too much. You dirtbag.

Hmmmm...

It seems like I can never please everyone.